A brilliant friend of mine and mama to a special little one with Spina Bifida just like my Ky, came forth on her blog yesterday and discussed something so near and dear to my heart: Anxiety.
She brought out that one should never judge our blooper reel against someone else’s highlights, and not stress over the non-pinterest-worthy-parts of our homes and lives.
Someone challenged her to blog about all the non-perfect parts of life…
I am doing it right along with her.. the things that I would never want someone to see about me. The things that keep me up at night, and cause me anxiety.
This is my piano. It is the bane of my main floor decorating existence. It serves as a storage area for projects, crafts, hiding spots for dog hair, the occaisional song played on it, and an all around grey elephant. On my piano I have things I need to hang, the people stickers I need to put on the back of my car, mail that needs to be returned, an air duster for electronics, the nerf guns that my kids can only have when they ask for them and bring me back all the ammo that was issued the previous time, my menu plan, cards and important papers hiding behind my menu plan, a frame one of my kids made that needs a picture in it, my kids decorative tea cups from Charity’s party, and that green shopping bag next to the bench? Yeah, completed school work that my kids finished last semester, still sitting there from my homeschool review.
My house attracts clutter… Stephen and I always have disagreements about what needs to stay and what needs to go. I find things useful (usually craft supplies)
Ahem: my craft table
And he like electronics and apparently junk mail. We have magazines and junk mail that I’m sure has one piece of normal mail in it shoved all over our dining room.
I have piles next to the ends of my sofas, too much furniture in my living room because we just cannot decide what is to come of the black table that used to be our coffee table but was replaced.
The ends of my couch have tables with anything from tissues and baby wipes to completed school work, puzzles, picture album, card games, board games, more piles of catalogs or magazines, Christmas crafts that are leftover, Valentines Cards that are sitting out, various writing implements, easter baskets, work out equipment, empty boxes that need to be recycled, and pillows.
It gets worse… If that black coffee table cannot be decided on, it will go into my version of Limbo.
Here is what once was a clean room, that now houses 2 book cases, various boxes of things that are “too valuable to donate”, unnecessary furniture, pieces to the girl’s bunk beds, crocs I need to dye for my husband to be able to wear, our game and puzzle cabinet (that we can’t get to), random carpets that are stained, old, and worn out that are just covering the concrete floor, and light fixtures that “may be useful”.
When we don’t decide on something it sits. Half my house is full of stuff that just sits.
We are people who hold on to stuff. I have Kyle’s first wheelchair (even though it doesn’t fit him), I have his first AFOs, I have his stander that doesn’t fit either, I have his first bath chair out on my back deck that doesn’t fit (redneck huh?) and I am the queen of boxing stuff up to leave it in a pile.
This is my current pile:
It doesn’t seem so bad, right? well, a month ago, this was a beautifully clean space that my dogs used to have for their food, water, and food storage. I have since moved their food and water dishes to my dining room, to provide better flow… but what did I do? I put something ELSE there! Self-sabotage!
The worst part about this stack of boxes? IT’S TRASH!!!! AAARGH! There, I said it! No excuse other than I forget when trash day is constantly. I have better things to think about!
Piles number 2-5: Laundry
snow gear from the last outing yesterday into the slush- still sitting by the front door on top of a box containing plaster I chipped off the chimney in my kitchen.
This one is a bag of stuff for good will, a bag of shoes that need to be put away, a gate that is broken and needs to go out for recycle, and a piece of old wood that is stained to match our house… completely inexcusable!
Yes, it is in baskets… and the sorter’s under that pink basket? Yeah, they’re empty! *hangs head in shame*
I have no excuses, so I won’t try- but this is the stuff that stresses me out.
This is even worse… this is a pile of stuff I *should* keep, it is bedding for beds we cannot use right now. sheets that need to be stored until we have that size bed in circulation again, and videos that were returned to me over a month ago!
but it sits… on my folding table for laundry, in my basement, collecting dust.
Here’s my laundry table, ridiculous! I have handwash only items sitting in a pile against an outlet, and some of those things have been there for months… I kid you not. I HATE handwash items…
These are all collecting places for our CRAP. things that need to go down or upstairs, our dress-up clothes that we wore to the Easter Egg hunt before we got too cold, and in general, dust.
Then I have the “other” stuff that bothers me…
stuff out of place… the stove top not being clean.
Wires exposed that are dangling, pipes that are serving no purpose other than mouse subways through my house. Trash that needs to be emptied, recycle that needs to be taken out.
IT. NEVER. ENDS…
I didn’t even have time to photograph my upstairs, but it’s not any better, trust me. You can’t tell that my dresser or TV console or nightstand have ever had horizontal surfaces, or that I’m a “type A” organizational person. I could show you pictures of things that make me proud, like my organization of video games, or craft supplies in my cabinet upstairs, my pantry storage, dish/silverware storage, or my kids clothing storage… but this is a post about imperfections, of which, I HAVE MANY!
There is not a single room in my house that is finished. We don’t have any heating or cooling installed outside of our two fireplaces. We have WAY too much stuff in our lives, and every time I want to purge, I have the breaks put on because I get rid of something useful or necessary, or something that I really shouldn’t. So it sits and gets worse and worse, every day. more and more stuff comes into my home, more things to depress me, bog me down, and make me realize that I will never successfully move my family cross country, even if it is for their benefit.
The things that are intangible- we don’t spend enough time outdoors. We are perpetually committing to too many things, we spend too much money on frivolous activities, and we watch too much television as a family. We haven’t played a family game in ages, and we can’t coordinate ourselves enough to have a family meeting.
We are still alive, and I am thankful, but this summer will be spent cleaning up most of what I just showed you 🙂